As a scientist, I often feel
encouraged to remain objective and shy away from personal and philosophical
matters. As a human, I can't do this. What began as a series on the ongoing and
broad research in our lab has been temporarily halted. Sometimes life gets
in the way. This time death demanded a shift in perspective on the importance
in life. My mom passed away February 18, 2016 after months of illness from
cancer. I originally wanted to pursue cancer research, but my love of outdoors
made indoor research difficult. My mom always encouraged my love of science as
a child and it is in her memory that I pause and share my thoughts and tribute
to her.
To mom -
My sister and I have had the great honor to be with mom as
she transitioned from her earthly life unto the next. While sadness and deep
loss accompanied these moments, mom gave us the privilege to prepare and accept
a new reality. But while we tried to protect
our hearts against the pain of losing our mother, it still hurts terribly. Even though we grieve these days now that mom
is not physically here with us, we also celebrate her life and spirit as she
has moved on to a new journey.
Someone recently described mom as a rare bird. I like this
image of mom as a bird with showy feathers – where she has flight over this
earth and without the limitations of a body that battled illness and major
medical issues for over twenty five years. Through this time I came to see a
community of love around her, around all of us. I stand amazed at the reach of
one person - the impact someone can have
on so many people. There are many lessons to learn from these moments – lessons
that are learned and repeated over and over by the 7 billion people here on
earth and all those that came before us. There is this thread that connects all
of humanity. We all experience the pain of suffering, the thrill of living. And
mom soars above it all – free from the limits imposed on us now.
Mom has always been a fighter with a will stronger than
anyone I know. She is a believer and has an amazing and admirable faith. She
always provided an undercurrent of love and strength to us, even when we failed
to see it. She experienced a lot of difficulty in her lifetime here, yet she
always kept her faith to guide her through. She always remained positive even
when dealing with cancer, treatments, surgeries, and unknown outcomes. She
never once asked, “why is the happening to me”. By watching her deal with the
challenges before her, mom gave me a strength I did not know I had. At times,
as all of us do, we had a complicated relationship. I am fortunate that we were
able to find the simplicity in love and being together. I know mom is proud of
both Jill and myself and the women that we became. She loves dearly her three
grandchildren Cody, Aksel, and Alice Rose. They were the light in her eyes and
the joy in her heart.
Mom always had a great sense of humor and was a very social
person. We would always find something to laugh about at family or group gatherings.
She loved to tell other people all the childhood stories about me and Jill and
her grandkids. She had an amazing memory to never forget the really good ones
(like when Jill poured molasses in her brand new Sunday shoes – I can’t seem to
remember any of the stories about me). Mom never drank. But she kept a bottle
of vodka in the closet with her art supplies. We always joked that mom was a
closet drinker. Mom had such amazing talents that she shared with all who knew
her. She had a glorious voice and loved
to sing. When I was a small child, I ran up to the pulpit in church one time
when mom was singing. I always loved it when she sang or played the piano – it
was soothing to me. She was a true artist who kept pushing her own boundaries
with the wonderful creations she made. When she was teaching at Montessori
school, she would spend hours late into the night making a small quilted gift
for each of the children in her class. She loved to create and to see the
beauty in her world. She always carried her camera and would show me photos of the
way light hit some object, flowers, trees, almost always photos of the natural
world. Then she would use these images in her art.
A friend said these words, that are so very true. A mother is
our place of solace, our ass-kicker, the person we so desperately want to be
nothing like, and later appreciate the traits we find of hers in ourselves. We
don’t want to say goodbye to her now. As strong as we try to be, as much as I
know we can keep moving forward, there is a hole in my heart that will take
time to heal. By hearing her stories, learning more about the woman who was
more than just my mother, connecting with family and friends that meant so much to her, we
can honor her memory and carry on her legacy by offering love to those who
touch our lives.
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